Caution: Change Ahead

Ok im done with the way that i have allowed my life to go. Honestly Im dissapoined in how i have treated myself as well as other people. Honestly i dont really know what got into me. But i wasnt who i should have been. It has affecte me physically, mentally and emotionally. I really cant do this to myself anymore. Im tired of being this way, and im ready for a change. I dont like the person that i have allowed myself to become. Its going to take some time, but I AM going to change.I will change, i really dont have a choice but to change. Its driving me nuts....

Ok i think im done.....it was one of those things that you just kinda had to put out there.....

Ok lets see if i remember how to use this thing...

So alot has gone on since the last time i wrote on here. I guess i will start where i left off, and work my way to now.

Well i spent my new years with eli, and it was a pretty good night, we had some serious fun that night.

So i really dont think that alot has really happened since then. I got moved to first shift this week, and next week im going to second, grr i hate copeland.

Today we got sent home at lunch because of the wind and the snow. They cancelled second and third shifts for today, and im waiting to see if they cancel first tomorrow, cause the snow is supposed to get really bad.

Well tomorrow is freakin valentines day, the one day of the year that i absolutly dispise, Prolly cause i have spent sixteen of the seventeen to-date, single. It sucks, it really does. It just rubs it in the face of all those single ppl, its like "look at all these ppl that have significant others and you have nothing" Like i can help it. Its not really my choice. I cant just walk up to someone and be like "yeah, you,yeah we are dating now." And i have learned something else. Everyone around here, they are all either alot older or alot younger. I mean if i was 25 and dating someone 21, ok not weird. But 18 almost 19 dating a 15 yr old, yeah not cool. And to go along with that a nice funny story. So me and justin went to church in bellefontain just cause. So we are sitting there on the far right side in the very back. Well he leans over and points out this girl in the middle section, looked to be around 19 or so. Perfect i thought. From that point on i couldnt stop looking over there. It was just one of those things. So at the end of service, i finally caught her gaze, and i smiled at her. Well she got this really giddy smile on her face and then hid her face in her hands 'cause she was smiling so much. At that point i was like bingo. I had it all planned out, walk up introduce myself, make small talk, see if she wanted to hang out sometime, then exchange numbers. Well church ends, and they walk out. I walk out not a minute later, and they are GONE!!!! I was so not happy. So me and justin left and i texted my buddy from that church, and asked him about her. Well he didnt really know her, but his sis did. Come to find out this girl was FIFTEEN. All my dreams exploded, crashed into the ground, and then burned away. Oh well, its not the first time.... But now i think its kinda funny, KINDA (i would have much rather her been older but thats not my luck).

Anyway I prolly have things to do besides stare at this screen and make my eyes hurt even more, so i guess im out.

Look out below...

So i did something super sweet with my mom and little bro today....we went SKIING!!! Yeah it was really sweet. It was mine and brents first time ever, and mom hadnt gone since she was a senior....so like going on 20yrs. So I went down the sissy trail once and i was like " yeah im sweet, therefore im going down the bigger hill". So i got about halfway down....and i was doing really good....going side to side like the pros and all, well i guess i cut it to much....and landed flat on my back....it was sweet!!!! And then later some chic ran into me knocked me down, she fell on top of me, and we were face to face, (in the meanwhile her snowbored somehow hit me in the hip....yeah that hurts), and i looked at her and said "you know in any other circumstances i might actually kinda enjoy this" and she just gave me this big smile, and we skied togather for a little while, and then we went our seperate ways. But all in all, it was really fun,..... i am just quite sore......but i had some freaking sweet wipeouts that i wish were on camera, but they werent......so....im out

Life....Its Here.

So I guess it has been almost a month since I last updated, and a WHOLE LOT has happened since then.

As i speak (well type) I am sitting at my parents house in west virgina, and since ive been here ive noticed alot of things. Like Christmas. Its not what it used to be to me. I thought that that since I moved out that it would take on a new meaning but, really it was almost... I dunno, weird. And its weird, i thought that being away would be nice and all. But to be complety honest, I am SOO ready to go home. Thats my home. Thats where i belong, and i really miss it. And ppl. Its weird, i miss ppl at work. I think its just the fact that certain ppl have become such a normal part of my life, I talk to certain ones while i work, on break, at luch, and so on. And now its all messed up. Everything. My sleep pattern. My daily routine. My eating habbits. My lifestyle...Everything. Its weird. Its like moving half way across the world. Sleep is what is bothering me the worst. So i get here on friday around 2. I left right after work at 6:30. So i had been up since 8 the night before, and ended up gonig to bed at 10 on friday night, and waking up around 9:15 on sat. So at that point i thought that i was going to be ok. Well saturday night i made it to about ten. Sunday morning i wake up and as I am laying in bed i realize that eight hours after i went to bed on sat. night would be 6 o'clock. Sure enough thats what time it was. (in case you didnt know, i get eight hours of sleep EVERY SINGLE DAY, so thats what i am used to). So sunday, i took a couple naps. I fell asleep on the couch around nine, and moved to my bed around 11. Next thing i know, its 4:30 monday morning, and i was wide awake. Needless to say this thing is killing me. Like right now, its a little after 12 and my eyes are killing me cause they are getting tired.

Anyway, all i know is that i am going to be really happy when i get home, get back on my schedual, get back to work, to my sleep schedual, and see ppl. But yeah i guess that christmas has truly made me appreciate MY life, its the only one for me :)

oy yeah and .................. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

*tear*